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I went into San Francisco last night for some drinks with one of my dearest friends. I was really struck by how much I want to see her more often. It's silly that she lives one city over and I see her sometimes only once a month. I think it's just been easy for me to wall myself up in my cozy little apartment. And after doing that for so long, I've come to find that I now have some pretty severe anxiety in crowds. I feel that at any second, something horrific will happen. This is likely because the things I hear most about the outside world are from the news.. and we all know the kinds of things they broadcast.
So, I want to push myself to stop living in fear. I want to get to know the outside world from my own experience. I want to ride public transit more. I want to not feel anxious when the homeless ask me for money/drugs/sex. I want to trust more that the God I profess to believe in is powerful enough to save me and wise enough to take me. I'm not saying I'm going to go do dumb things, like take a stroll alone at 2am, but that it's time for me to be challenged.
And it's going to be hard.